Take some time to calm yourself down before trying to assess the apology. Try deep breathing to regain your composure. Whether you are receiving an apology from a friend or family member, or someone you work with, it’s important to give the apology your full consideration. If the person has written you an apology letter, find a quiet place where you can focus on reading the apology without distraction.
The person should be specific about their apology. A false apology is one that deflects responsibility in some way, on to you, or on to someone or something else. For example, saying “I’m sorry if you felt offended,” is not a true apology. Rather than apologizing for their own action, they are deflecting responsibility back on to you. An apology may also be a disguised justification. A person may slip into an explanation for why they did what they did without actually saying they are sorry for doing it. The person should offer to fix the situation if possible. For example, if you asked them to water your house plants while you were away and they forgot, an appropriate apology might include an offer to replace any plants that died as a result of their neglect. [3] X Research source
Depending on the situation, complete forgiveness may take days, months, or even years. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or moving forward with no consequences. It means letting go of hurt feelings and not holding onto a grudge. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean that you have to keep a connection to the person. If it is someone who routinely causes offense or hurt, for example, you can forgive them but also choose to end your relationship with them
If you’re not ready to move forward, acknowledge their apology by stating: “I appreciate your apology, but I am unable to accept it at this time. ” No matter how you choose to respond, make sure it’s a true reflection of your feelings. You don’t want to get caught up in crafting a response that isn’t actually genuine.
“I am glad you apologized. It really hurt my feelings when you made a joke at my expense. ” “It’s okay. I wish you hadn’t done this at all, but I’m ready to move past it. ” “I hear that you regret what you did. I’m trying to move past this but it has really impacted how I feel about our relationship. I will need more time to think about things. ”
You can write: “It was really unfair when you said that about me, but I should not have responded by returning the insult. ” Alternatively, try: “It was your responsibility to make sure things went smoothly that day, but I realize now that I should have made sure you had more help. ”
For example, you can try: “I am ready to put this behind us and move forward. Why don’t we get together this weekend?” Another approach is to write: “While I accept your apology, this incident has made me re-evaluate our business arrangement and I will not be renewing your contract at the end of this month. ”
For a more positive closing, consider, “Best wishes,” or “Warm regards. ”
