It’s totally normal to feel angry, anxious, jealous, or sad if you experience social rejection. Feelings of rejection can even result in physical symptoms like the inability to sleep and a lowered immune response, which might lead to illness. [1] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
Ask yourself: Who are the people who dislike you? Is it only one person, a few people, or a whole group of people? Have you done anything to deserve being disliked? Could there be a misunderstanding or a rumor that has caused people to dislike you? Once you figure out who dislikes you and why, you can ask yourself “Does their opinion of you matter?” If the person is not an important part of your life, recognize that everyone has some people who don’t particularly like them, and this person’s opinion of you shouldn’t matter. He or she is not central in your life or a factor in your happiness.
In fact, your brain produces opioids in response to positive social interactions, so having a few friends you can rely on can help to counter the pain of social rejection from those who dislike you. [3] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source If making friends is hard for you, check out this helpful wikiHow article for tips on meeting and making new friends.
Having compassion for others is key. Remember that there could be a million reasons why someone dislikes you that have nothing to do with you! Maybe you remind the person of someone who has hurt her in the past. In fact, social scientists have found that some people are just predisposed to be “haters. " If the person who dislikes you also seems generally negative toward others, this person might just have a personality type that thrives on negativity.
It’s important to have someone you can trust that you can ask for help if you start to feel overwhelmed or devastated by being disliked. Talk to a close friend, family member, clergy, or counselor if you need help. You can also call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (in the United States) at 988 any time of day or night. You don’t have to actually be feeling suicidal to talk to a counselor; they help anyone who is going through a crisis. If you’re not in the United States, contact the authorities in your area.
If your goal is to reduce the negative feelings someone has for you, you have to identify why it is that you are disliked. Then, you can work on improving that particular area for that particular person. For example, if someone dislikes you because she feels you come on too strong, you can try to tone it down around that person. Or if someone dislikes you because you often break your commitments, you can work on being more consistent and keeping your word. Pinpointing why you are disliked might also reveal a simple truth: often times people dislike you for reasons that have nothing to do with you. It is entirely unfair, but completely normal. A person may dislike you because you remind them of someone, because they are just a negative person, or because they are jealous of you– or a number of other reasons! Sometimes realizing that someone’s reasons for disliking you are superficial, absurd, or simply irrelevant to you can help you accept being disliked for what it really is.
Someone who likes you but will be honest with you is best! Let them know that you are trying to understand why others dislike you, and that you need some feedback from someone who knows you well. Your trusted friend can help you to recognize the reasons (or lack of reasons) why others might dislike you, and then help you to focus on your own acceptance of the situation.
If the person is discriminating against you or treating you unfairly and is in a position of power over you (such as a teacher, boss, or parent), you may decide that it is time to talk to the person or take legal action. If the person is spreading rumors, hurting your reputation, or making your life difficult, you may need to talk to them to find out if there is a way to convince them to stop. If the person is sabotaging your relationships, you may need to confront them as well as the people he or she has interfered with. For example, if you have a father-in-law who does not like you, he may be causing other people to dislike you, possibly even including your own spouse. If the person who dislikes you is abusing you in any way, including physically, sexually, emotionally, or psychologically, it is time to get help. It is normal for people to dislike other people, but it is never ok for dislike to turn into mistreatment or abuse.
Try to frame your discussion using “I-phrases. " “I-phrases” focus on the speaker’s feelings instead of presuming to know what the other person is feeling. Using “I-phrases” helps to keep the other person from becoming defensive. [7] X Research source That means instead of saying “Why don’t you like me?” keep the focus on your own feelings and say something like “I feel like there is some tension between us. Is there anything I have done or anything I can do to help?” Listen to what the person says, and try to understand from her perspective. Try not to become defensive. Think about whether there is any merit to her claims and why she might feel the way she does. Then, think about whether you should try to improve yourself or change your behavior toward her, or if her issues are unreasonable and not worth the effort.
Say that you regret what happened. You need to clearly say the words, “I’m sorry. " Be sure you don’t say “I’m sorry you were offended,” or “I’m sorry you felt that way,” or anything else that places the blame on the other person for misinterpreting your intentions. Instead, be humble, and own the fact that you’ve hurt someone. [9] X Research source Offer to make it right. Psychologists call this an “offer of compensation,” [10] X Research source and sometimes it literally entails compensation (for example, if you wreck someone’s car, you have to fix it or replace it!). But other times compensation means changing your behavior in the future, spending more time together, doing more work at the office or around the house, or other ways of picking up your own slack and improving your behavior in the relationship. Let the person know that you are aware that what you did was wrong. In addition to saying you’re sorry, you need to say that you violated social norms or expectations. For example, you might say, “I know a husband should not do that,” or “I was not being a good friend when I did that. “[11] X Research source Remember that apologizing is as much about helping yourself as it is about righting wrongs. If you are at fault, apologizing can help you to gain perspective and can even lower your levels of stress and anxiety. [12] X Research source Just remember that apologizing is only useful if you are at fault and if you are sincerely sorry.
In some cases, such as discrimination at work resulting from a boss that dislikes you, you may need to consider hiring a lawyer. While it is not illegal for a boss to dislike you, it could be illegal if it is not just because of your personality but because you are a protected minority (for example, if you are a woman, gay, or a person of color), or if he treats you unfairly because he dislikes you.
Remember that even the most popular and well-loved celebrities in the world are disliked by some people!
