Instead of saying, “I was rejected by my top college,” say something like, “I was denied acceptance. " Don’t think of it as you being rejected as a person, but as you not getting the circumstances you wanted. If the rejection makes you feel like a worthless loser, then it’ll only make you destined to fail again. Instead, focus on the circumstances of what happened, not on the fact that it happened to you.
Don’t be bummed that you got rejected. Be excited that you had the guts to embrace a unique opportunity. Think about what else you can achieve or try to achieve. The sky’s the limit.
Instead, look at it as an opportunity to grow and try again. If you let just one, or even just a few, or even a few dozen, rejections make you think that this is the way things will always be, then you’ll have a hard time finding happiness or success. If it was a ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ opportunity, it can be hard not to catastrophize. Avoid dwelling on the things you’ll miss, as thinking ‘if only’ will not change anything. Find another opportunity for something similar, and do your best to prepare.
If you were rejected in a relationship, you may not think that there is anything good about this at all, at first. However, you can also choose to look at it as a chance you had to fall in love, and the opportunity to see that you can find it again. This is far better than just looking at it as a rejection with absolutely nothing in the “plus” column. If an agent rejected your manuscript, maybe he also happened to tell you that you have a lot of talent and that you shouldn’t hesitate to reach out again with a revision or a future project. Though you didn’t land the agent of your dreams, you did get someone’s attention, and have heightened your chances of getting noticed the next time around.
Okay, so if you get dumped by your significant other, then it’s hard not to take it personally. But try to step back and look at the bigger picture. If you were rejected, it’s because something about the relationship just wasn’t working. It doesn’t mean that you’re not right for anybody — it just means that you weren’t right for this particular person, right now. Remember: a business needs to make decisions that will profit them. Your application wasn’t rejected because they like to make people feel bad. Don’t be afraid to reapply if the opportunity arises.
When you get rejected from something, think about all of the untapped opportunities still out there. Write them down and look at them. If you truly feel that there’s really nothing out there, ask a friend to help you brainstorm. It’s pretty unlikely that there’s nothing else to look forward to.
If you’re a writer seeking publication, tell yourself that you won’t even have a chance to publish one of your short stories before you get 50 rejections. Every time you get one, just think of it as a step on your way to success. If you’re seeking a new job, you should consider the fact that you’ll get at least 5 or 10, or even 15 rejections for every time you’re asked for an interview. Be proud of all of those rejections because it means you’re trying and that you’re closer to acceptance.
If you’re lucky enough to get constructive feedback, then use it to help you move forward. If an employer told you you need to improve your writing skills, then get a tutor or ask a well-versed friend for help. If an agent told you your protagonist isn’t original enough, see if you need to make him or her stand out. Of course, some of the feedback you get may be worthless or completely missing the point. You don’t have to change yourself or your work to meet another person’s notion of success unless you agree with it.
This works especially well if you’re a struggling writer. Take a look at your earlier stories and compare them to the ones you’re working on now. Sure, if you’re still facing a lot of rejection, then you may have doubts about your work, but don’t let it get to you. Instead, think about how much you’ve progressed since that first rejection, and be proud of yourself for plugging forward. If we’re talking about romantic rejections here, then yeah, it may not be easy to “rack” them up. Still, thinking about that first failed relationship, and consider how much you’ve grown as a person and how much you’ve been able to open up. Remember that not all rejections are created equal, and that you’re always progressing, even if you feel like the rejection never ends.
There’s a really fine line between being persistent and being stubborn. If you really believe that your book is polished and ready for an agent, then you may keep trying to find the right agent for your work after the first sixty rejections. But if all of the rejections are telling you that the book needs a lot of work, then your time may be better spent in revising your manuscript than in facing the same form of rejection again and again. If you’ve been asking out or trying to win back the same girl for months, and you feel like you’re going nowhere, then it may be time to accept what happened and to move on. Use the experience to help you find a person who will like you for who you are instead of trying to force it.
Let’s say you got rejected from the tennis team. You may have been training all summer for it and banking everything on it, but now, you can still try out for the volleyball team. And who knows — this sport may be a better fit for you, after all. You may feel like your college experience won’t be the same if you don’t go to University of Michigan like you always wanted, but once you do get to college, you wouldn’t be able to imagine your life without any of your new friends by your side. You’ll look back on the day when you thought that UMich was your dream school and you’ll laugh. This may not be imaginable now, but really, it’ll happen. Maybe you’ll get rejected from what you thought was your dream job. Well, the rejection may lead you to take your career in a slightly new direction — and to find a new path that you never would have otherwise considered.
You may feel that the rejection was a catastrophe. However, a friend can give you a more rational, down-to-earth take on the situation. However, don’t let this turn into you ranting about what happened to the five closest people within earshot. Having a friend’s unbiased and helpful opinion can help cheer you on, but complaining and rehashing the same problems over and over again can actually just make you feel worse. Make sure you’re talking to someone who understands how much the rejection means to you. Having a friend say, “It’s not the end of the world!” when you feel like it is may be the last thing you want to hear.
Talking to other people about their own experiences with rejection will make you feel like you’re less alone, and that everyone else has felt what you’re feeling, in one sense or another.
Margaret Mitchell’s Gone with the Wind was rejected by 38 publishers before it found a home. Marilyn Monroe was told she should quit acting when she first began. Modeling agencies told her she’d be better off as a secretary. Walt Disney was fired from the Kansas City Star because he was told his stories lacked imagination. Oprah Winfrey was fired from an early gig as a news reporter because she was told she didn’t know how to separate her emotions from her stories. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.
If you’re upset about getting rejected by girls when you try to ask them out, make a habit of doing it more often. No, this doesn’t mean you should ask out every girl in sight, but let’s say you ask out girls 10-20% more often than you used to. If you keep getting rejected, especially if you know your heart won’t really be broken, then you’ll be getting into the habit of getting rejected and won’t see it as such a big deal the next time it happens. If you feel devastated every time you try to send your stories out to literary journals and get a big fat rejection, then you should send your stories out to even more places. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should send them out before you feel that they are ready, but that you should send them out more often, so that you won’t feel the burn after you get the next rejection you’ve been waiting on for months.
Easier said than done, right? It’s hard to stop dwelling on rejection, especially if you’re feeling bitter, confused, or hurt. But the sooner you make a goal to find other fulfilling ways to spend your time, the sooner you’ll be able to move forward. That said, if we’re talking about a breakup, you should avoid having a set grieving period. Let yourself feel what you feel, spend some time crying, writing in your journal, and just dealing with your emotions, and only move on when you’re ready.
This isn’t to say that you won’t be deeply hurt if the person you’ve banked your future on rejects you. But it is to say that, while you can still be deeply in love, you should always feel like you have other things going on in your life other than your relationship. You can’t let it be everything for you. Okay, so you may really be dying to go to the Iowa Writer’s Workshop. You may think it’s your only path to being a published writer. But make sure you apply to at least a handful of other programs. You’ll find that you’ll be accepted somewhere, and that you’ll still have an enriching experience where you get to explore your passion. If you think it’s Iowa or bust, then you’re going to be incredibly disappointed when it doesn’t work out.
