He may have gotten hurt in his last relationship and is still healing from that experience, or he may simply not be interested for whatever reason. It’s not your job to try to figure out why he’s not calling, or to try to fix the situation.
Some behavioral signs to watch for include one partner taking an interest more than the other such as by doing things like asking about their life/day, inviting them to events, asking about what they like/prefer, etc. Another sign might be one person prioritizing the relationship more than the other such as by checking in about plans, thinking of the other person prior to making plans, setting aside time for phone calls or dates, etc. If you find yourself listening to sad songs on the radio, and staring at the phone which may never ring, you are likely in a one-sided relationship.
If you are unsure about his feelings toward you, are constantly questioning where things stand or whether he is in or out of a relationship with you, then he probably just isn’t that into you. [2] X Research source If he tells you that he doesn’t know what he wants, take him at his word! He is not reciprocating your interest, and you deserve the type of relationship that doesn’t make you question your place in his life. If he calls you or wants to see you on the weekend, but drops off the face of the earth during the week, there is something going on. You tell yourself that he is busy with work or school, but when a guy is truly interested and committed to a relationship, he will find the time to reach out and communicate with you. [3] X Research source If he talks about his ex often, he most likely isn’t over them yet and is therefore not ready or available for a relationship with you. [4] X Research source
Consider the possibility that your feelings for him have become inflated simply because they aren’t returned. We often want what we can’t have. [5] X Research source Keep in mind that there are things you can’t control. You can’t make someone like/love you or even change their behavior, no matter how much you want to. They have to be willing to do that.
Talk it out with a trusted friend or a counselor to help you work through your feelings and to avoid the urge to suppress them just because they are painful. Give yourself permission to think about how you feel about him, but try to limit your thoughts to just a few minutes each day, so that they don’t become all-consuming and obsessive.
Create a mantra. Think of a brief positive phrase that you can say to yourself when you are feeling down and need reassurance that it’s all going to be okay. This can be something as simple as “keep your head up and your heart open”. [6] X Research source Spend a few minutes each day meditating in a quiet place. Think about this experience as an opportunity for personal growth, and keep in mind that you won’t always feel this way. The way you deal with your loss will help you grow stronger as a person.
Put yourself in his shoes. Unless he is a sociopath, he is likely not trying to hurt you. Have you ever had the experience of having to let someone down easy who you are not that interested in? Keep in mind that next time, you may be the person who is just not that into someone who has unrequited feelings for you.
Center your expectations of the day on things that you have some control over such as having lunch with a friend, getting to class on time, and enjoying some time outside in nature. Begin each day with a positive outlook. Don’t allow yourself to pin your happiness on whether or not he reaches out to you. You have no control over how anyone else feels, acts, or behaves. By reining in your own expectations of what you believe should happen on any given day, you can give yourself some peace. [8] X Research source Be open to any possibility. For example, if he hasn’t called you in several days, you can stop stressing yourself out with the notion that it might happen today. By letting go of the expectation, you release yourself from the pain of it not being fulfilled.
Take off your rose-colored glasses. Allow yourself to see through your idealized version of him and notice his flaws. The truth is, there is no “perfect” person or relationship. Magical thinking is unhealthy because it creates fairy-tale standards that no real person could possibly live up to. Let go of unhealthy beliefs and rituals, such as getting up on a certain side of the bed every morning in the hope that doing so will make him call you that day. Accept that there is no causation between your actions and his actions. [9] X Research source
Pamper yourself with a hot bubble bath or a trip to the nail salon. Talk to your friends and family, and let them comfort you. We have all been in a similar situation before. Take yourself out on a date to a movie you’ve been wanting to see.
Make plans to be somewhere else right after class or work, so that you won’t have to worry about making awkward small talk with him. Always be kind yet reserved when you do have to talk to him.
Make sure that you delete his voicemails and texts too, so that you can’t go back and re-read or listen to them.
Keep yourself busy with plans with friends as a way to cope with rejection/sadness. Develop a daily routine for yourself and spend time with your friends and family to get support.
Release your regrets about what happened, and think of this as a time to mend your broken heart.
Before you jump into a rebound relationship with another person, say to yourself, “I am not hoping to meet the one. I am not in a fairy tale, and I am already complete. I don’t need a guy to be happy. "
Make sure that your heart is fully healed before you share it with anyone else. You may want to hold off on dating for a while. Rebuild your self-esteem. Your self-esteem has likely taken a hit. Immerse yourself in activities that make you feel confident, such as playing your favorite sport or making dinner for your family. [11] X Research source Set aside time in your life for the things that make you happy and fulfilled. Don’t forget to spend some time alone, too. Be patient with the healing process. It can take some time for your heart to recover from the pain of unrequited love.
You can also research online or check out a self-help book on healthy relationships from the library. Educate yourself on some of the characteristics of a healthy relationship by going to: https://www. psychologytoday. com/blog/in-practice/201301/50-characteristics-healthy-relationships.
