Just know that many men view their porn watching as a very private activity, just like masturbation, and your boyfriend may not want to discuss every little detail with you. If you can both be open and understanding of one another, that is a good sign that you can grow together intimately with or without porn.
Porn is a substance that can be addictive, and if you believe that he may have an issue based off of how the porn effects your relationship, he also has to see that. If he agrees with you and would like to stop using porn not only for the relationship, but also for himself. You can grow together, although it will not be easy and the use of counseling, couples counseling, or online programs like No Fap, will help significantly. If your boyfriend does not see eye-to-eye with you and how you feel, he will most likely do nothing to change, and you cannot change him even if you try. If he chooses to stop using porn, he will still masturbate and he’ll still have fantasies. If you are thinking of banning porn to make your boyfriend only think of you sexually, that is not reasonable. Men and women both fantasize about people who are not their lover, it could be movie stars, people from real life, a cartoon, whatever it may be. . . It is hypocritical to believe that you can have freedom over your fantasies and he can not.
If you are triggered by porn and have insecurity because it brings you to your past, you may want to explore yourself further and see if porn is the issue or if there is trauma you need to work through. If you have a hard time sorting through your feelings about the porn, seeking a friend who is understanding may help. If you feel that you can’t consult a friend, there is professional help or advice online and in person available. It is okay to feel like you are okay with porn and then later feel not okay with it. People change everyday, and getting to know yourself while getting to know another person in a relationship can be difficult. Identify your insecurities, if any of them root directly to porn and the nature of porn, then you may not be okay with porn itself. If the insecurities you have go back to dishonesty, trust, or intimacy, you should consider bypassing pornography as being an irritant to the initial, core problem. If you have had cheating boyfriend in the past, or your boyfriend has cheated on you, you may feel like porn is a window for cheating, or that he may still be cheating on you.
Ask yourself if his porn habits are affecting your relationship, replacing the time he spends with you, and generally making it difficult to be romantically involved. If this is the case, then you may have a real problem on your hands and should discuss next steps.
Your boyfriend may want something in the bedroom but may be too shy to ask unless you press him. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you have to do anything that you’re uncomfortable with. The fact of the matter is, a lot of porn does objectify women, and you don’t have to do anything that makes you feel demeaned or worthless. And hey, you can use this as a time to tell your boyfriend about any fantasies you may be having as well. This doesn’t mean that your boyfriend will jump for joy when you ask him about what he’s watching during his porn solo sessions. It may make him uncomfortable, and that’s only natural too.
Breaking up. Though breaking up over your boyfriend watching a regular amount of porn alone may not be that common, the porn watching can be indicative of larger issues that may have brought the relationship to a status of beyond repair. Watching it together. If you don’t find porn offensive and are curious about what turns your boyfriend on, then this may be an option for you. Just make sure he’s comfortable with it. Having your boyfriend try to watch porn less, or not when there’s a chance you may walk in on him, if that’s what you really want. Though you don’t want to force your boyfriend to curb his desires or to become too secretive around you, this may be the best option you come up with.
