Picture yourself in old age, reflecting on your life. What sort of life would you have liked to live? Would you feel satisfied with a life spent traveling all over the world, but not necessarily raising a family? Or would you feel proud and content if you had a big, healthy family? Write down your strengths and talents. In what ways could you put these to use? In your job? As a volunteer or a friend? Each night for a week, take a moment to write down events and activities that gave you energy, pleasure, and a sense of purpose, and which events and activities did not. Go over the list at the end of the week and try to think of ways to maximize the enjoyable, energizing things in your life.
You may want to list things like family or health. Or you may list things like creativity, growth, helping others, freedom, curiosity. If “creativity” is at the top of your list, but you work as an accountant, you may want to think about a job change, or find ways to incorporate creativity into your life (like taking a painting class, writing in your free time, acting in a community play, etc. ).
Understand the importance of purposeful living. Having a sense of purpose increases quality of life, and may even help you live longer. [5] X Research source Be aware that meaning is not the same as happiness. You may be happy, but not be living a meaningful life. On the other hand, living a meaningful life does not necessarily mean you will be happy. [6] X Research source That’s not to say that being happy is not important, but instead, that you should not expect finding meaning to mean finding happiness.
If your goal is to run a marathon, then you can set that as your ultimate goal. However, it is important to break that goal down into more specific, manageable goals. There is plenty of evidence that suggests that breaking a big goal down into smaller, actionable steps makes you more likely to achieve that goal. [8] X Research source Keep a journal of your progress. This will help you when you are feeling less motivated because it gives you an opportunity to re-motivate yourself, and to see how far you’ve already come. Even when things don’t go as planned, there’s something to learn or to grow.
You can also try to look for small ways that your jobs allow you to help others or even just yourself. For example, if you work at a daycare, you are helping not only the children you care for, but also the families of the children by allowing them time to go to work or take care of personal things. If you’re a teacher, not only do you help other people learn, but you also learn many things about many topics too.
For example, maybe you are grateful for you comfortable bed, maybe you are grateful that you don’t have to get up early in the morning, or that you have a friend you can call at any time of the day or night. Try to practice becoming mindful of the great things you have on a regular basis and being aware of your feelings. Even if it is just noticing something that makes you feel grateful for a few extra seconds each day. Cultivating gratitude reminds us that, even when bad things happen or don’t go the way we planned, there are still good things in our lives. [12] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School’s Educational Site for the Public Go to source Eliminating that feeling that you should always have more can help you see what is truly meaningful in your life.
Don’t let the stigma that often surrounds therapy discourage you from trying it. Nearly everyone can benefit from being able to talk about their fears and worries with an unbiased person. [13] X Trustworthy Source National Health Service (UK) Public healthcare system of the UK Go to source
Become a great listener. Instead of waiting for your turn to talk, or checking your phone while someone is speaking, turn your focus onto that person and what he is saying. Show you are listening by nodding, asking follow-up questions, and repeating things back to them (like “So, what you’re saying is. . . “). Learn healthy ways to express your emotions. Knowing how to manage your anger can help prevent you from yelling, snapping, or engaging in abusive behavior with others. Show that you are trustworthy. When you say you are going to do something, follow through and do it. Tell the truth, be consistent, and if you’re wrong, own up to it. [15] X Research source
Despite the stress that these relationships might bring from time to time, research has shown that, unless they are physically or emotionally abusive, they are important for developing a sense of meaning. [17] X Research source Consider family or couples therapy to help you work through problems with family or significant others. A therapist can act as a mediator and help you communicate in healthy, productive ways. Learn to set boundaries. Setting healthy boundaries is a way to protect yourself and improve your sense of self. Communicate assertively. Being assertive doesn’t mean aggressive — it means you are stating your needs while still respecting the needs of others.
This also applies to your attitude about yourself. Sometimes, you will make mistakes, and that is OK. Try to be as compassionate towards yourself as you would be to someone you really care about. Compassionate actions activate the pleasure center of your brain, so you feel great whenever you help someone else. [19] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source Compassionate people also make better friends, parents, and spouses, so showing compassion can help improve your relationships.
Try doing something you love as a volunteer activity. Again, this helps you to put your own life in perspective, especially if you volunteer with people, animals, or situations that are far worse off than you’ve ever been. [21] X Research source For example, if you love animals, volunteer as often as you can at the local shelter. If you love children, see if you can volunteer at a local foster home or community center.
Before ending up in another job that feels meaningless to you, take the time to write down the things you value in life. For example, you might value kindness, or you might value generosity. You might value helping people, or making people laugh. Write down every single thing that comes into your mind. Doing this can help you identify things you might enjoy doing. Consider the activities you wouldn’t mind doing for free. For example, if you enjoy volunteering in soup kitchens, why not turn it into a career helping the homeless. There are many non-profit organizations who require people to organize housing, develop advocacy programs, and/or provide counseling. It may also be possible to do an internship in a position you think you might be interested in. This will help you decide whether or not the job is right for you without making huge life changes.
If you decide that what you really want to be doing with your life is something that requires big life changes (e. g. moving around the world, investing a lot of your savings, or shaking up your daily routine), then you really have to try and look past your fear. Fear often keeps us from doing what we really want to be doing. [23] X Research source Building confidence and acknowledging your fears can help you build courage.
